Another thing I'm hoping to write about in this blog is memories from my past. With everything that's happened to me mentally I've lost a lot of memories and I've failed to write them down when I remember them.
I just woke up from sleeping and in my dream I was hugging one of my friends, I felt a sense of happiness. I don't get or give hugs hardly anymore so this dream had been the high point of my day so far.
But soon after I woke up I remembered something, a few years back, during my freshman year in high school, I was walking through the air lock to go outside and see the girl I had fallen for. At that point she knew that I liked her and she liked me too. She was facing the opposite direction talking to her friends when I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her and held her. She rested her head on my shoulders and smiled. Pieces of my memory end there, the faces of her friends fade out and in the end it's just me and her. I miss that feeling. I miss having someone there that you can hug everyday, that you can hold, that you can say I love you too. That smiles every time you see her and isn't afraid to cry on your shoulders in front of other people. And what hurts the most about this memory is that a week after this happened, she told me that she loved me.
And then it all crashed and burned.
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