I hate this feeling

I really need someone here.
I need someone I can hug everyday.
Someone I can talk to.
Someone I can have a good relationship with.

I'm tired of feeling this alone.

Tired of the worst people getting what they want
While I'm stuck getting whatever they leave behind.

I walk the girl that I've liked since freshman year home everyday after school.
I go out of my way to get her a ride on days when she doesn't feel good enough to walk.
I try to be my best around her, and it kills me every time to know it's not enough.

I miss and hate my memories at the same time. It's because of the pain and happiness in my past that I refuse to remember anything but try so hard to. It reminds me too much of what was, and what can still happen. I don't want to hurt like I did, but I know that despite all that hurt I still had a genuine smile on my face back then, because despite all the pain and sadness, someone was there to lend me a hand and let me hold them.

That just doesn't seem to exist anymore.

God I hate this.