I'm sure my bipolar-ness the past few days is just a phase...

Last night was a great night, despite some of the things that happened later in the night.

I got to spend time with Ivory, and for once it seemed, I felt like I actually meant something.
That I actually had meaning and purpose

Things started out less than great when we met up.
She was with her friends and was preoccupied with texting and finding other people.
Saying hello to other guys, and one of which stuck around and began tickling her right in front of me.
It was starting to really get to me,
I was starting to feel like garbage and I was to the brink of just walking home from the football game.

But as her friends began running off, and it got to just me and her,
things got more comfortable.
We were kind of in a flirty argument, sarcastic things going back and forth between us
She felt bad for saying something to me and she hugged me
I didn't hug back of course but she hammered me for it
And it was that little nudge that made me wrap my arms around her and hold her.
It broke any restraint I had before
I felt like I could hold her now.
And so this went on for a little while
And then it came time for me to walk her to her schools homecoming (Couldn't go, no money and ill prepared. Didn't expect to be doing anything that night)
I took her backpack from her and put on my shoulder, it was getting in the way of us holding hands. Then she kept going on the side the backpack was on and it hindered my ability to hold her hand so I switched sides on the backpack and she asked "Can I have my bag?" in which I replied "No, but can I have your hand?"
She looked at me for what seemed like forever and finally gave me her hand and we intertwined fingers.
It felt great
One thing that made my heart race was how she would grip my hand harder at times, like she wanted to hold and never let go.
We slowed down behind her group of friends and it was just me and her walking for a while.
Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered.
We let go of our hands, embraced each other a few times until she had to go in.
That, was the highlight of my night, and a very bright moment in my life.

The bad news....
-Jesse seems to be down a self destructive path and everyone sees it
-AshLee might be moving even farther away from me
-My entire body aches from everything I've put it through the past couple days.

God, I sure as hell hope you exist

-Rafael