I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart for this. Thank you, Jesse...

For helping me hold on..

To My Dearest Friend…

(Rafael)

You understand me.

You can read me through and through and you see me fucking things up.

You call me out on it, you try to save me and in the end, I make you feel like your purpose in my life is fading.

How can I tell you that it’s not.

How can I tell you that I feel like you are the only one who understands, the only one who cares enough to stop me. Or cares enough to save me from myself.

You hold me as I shake in my tears. You Hold my wrists after I’d beat them against the wall.

When I’m with you, I hardly see you as a stranger..you’ve filled an empty hole in my life. The hole that Johanna left inside me… when I left her.

And when I can’t hold her and let her know that I’m still here…you’re there, to keep me from feeling so alone.

I need you to know that I love you. As my friend. As my brother. And when you’re in pain I feel it too and I wish that I could take it all away and I wish that I could make her see you the way that I see you.

As a wonderful, loving, caring person.

I don’t deserve your friendship. I don’t deserve your kindness. I deserve nothing from you, but you continue to give it

You don’t judge me, but you save me.

Because I’m not strong enough to save myself.

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I keep crying every time I read this.

See you in the morning, sister.

-Rafael