Everyone Deserves A Second Chance

I guess this is true.

Ivory told me why she was still friends with that guy who touched her.
"Everyone deserves to change and get a second chance"

Looking back I realize my life isn't full of second chances for me or for others.
But I understand why one might be necessary.

I don't know, I'm already attached to Ivory.
I'm incapacitated by my damn emotions.
I keep snapping at her for being bullemic or talking to the guys she's slept with/ done stuff with or hanging out with other guys alone.

I hate being this way.
I hate caring so damn much.
I feel like I'm being used and abused in this relationship, despite all the compromises she's made for my sake.

It still hurts though, knowing your girlfriend is with these people or talking to them.
Knowing that she isn't telling you the complete truth
Knowing that she keeps things from you
Knowing that she believes you're like every other guy she's dated
Knowing that she tries to find faults in you
Knowing that despite the compromises one thing is lacking: Affection

I keep feeling like it's my fault, like it's all me, because that's how I've always felt in relationships.
I'm the one who can't show affection
Who can't show love
Who can't be there when she needs me
I'm the one destined to screw it up.
And so far, I have the track record to prove it.

I apologize for this...
-Rafael