Tears

Calm my nerves more than cutting or beating myself ever could.
I really should cry more...

I see her laying there, staring so intently at her phone,
Waiting for his response. His next text.
As soon as her phone lights up she attacks it, quickly opening it to see what he says.

I hate myself, so much..
Because I lack that effect on any one,
I lack the effect that he has on her.

No one loves me to the degree that they lose sleep over me,
That they think of me.
That they can't wait to see me in the morning.

People just expect me to be,
To exist and nothing more.
I lack meaning, or am shown little meaning.

I can't even give myself meaning anymore..

I'm a shadow, a piece of darkness.

I remember the old times,
When I'd wake up every morning to a text from someone.
I'd go to school, get a hug from one, maybe two people multiple times.
People that I actually meant something to.
I'd go about my day though in constant thought, I'd be happy.

That doesn't really exist anymore.
I just don't see it anymore.

I'm fighting to hold on,
For what, I don't know exactly,
Maybe it's for a lot of things,
Or for nothing at all.

I just know I have to keep holding on...
I have to...
I just have to...

-Rafael

Just all random thoughts and emotions...