When you can't live one single, stupid past emotion down.
Yes, I had feelings for another girl, big whoop.
Guess what? You're the girl that I love, the girl that I'm IN love with!
The girl whom I give my all for each and every single day of my life.
The girl that I've managed to keep a relationship longer than I ever could with anyone else.
Realize that I love you.
Before the love fades away...
-Rafael
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
One Mission
This is what my driving force will be,
Regardless of the people that remain in my life,
Regardless of the obstacles I will overcome.
This is what I'm going to die for,
This is what I'm going to fight for,
What I'm going to live for,
Love
Regardless of the people that remain in my life,
Regardless of the obstacles I will overcome.
This is what I'm going to die for,
This is what I'm going to fight for,
What I'm going to live for,
Love
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Another Pain
I must now keep tacked on to my heart.
I'm sorry Loser, I'm so sorry.
Nothing is right anymore...
-Nothing
I'm sorry Loser, I'm so sorry.
Nothing is right anymore...
-Nothing
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Night 4
Again, again this happens.
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick...
What the hell is wrong with me,
Do I really feel this inadequate?
Am I really this torn up?
I want this pain to end, but...
It just won't end.
-Rafael
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick...
What the hell is wrong with me,
Do I really feel this inadequate?
Am I really this torn up?
I want this pain to end, but...
It just won't end.
-Rafael
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
3rd Night
In a row this has happened.
I break down crying hysterically, for reasons I don't fully comprehend.
Tears drip off my face, the darkness begins to consume me,my arms wrap themselves around me in comfort, but none of it helps.
I hit myself in the chest, right above my heart, trying to stop this pain.
For the first time in a long time I actually considered ending my life a couple days ago. The thought has subsided, but while lying on the floor today, I asked myself a question, and it's been weighing heavily on me...
"Am I worth saving?"
-Guardian
I break down crying hysterically, for reasons I don't fully comprehend.
Tears drip off my face, the darkness begins to consume me,my arms wrap themselves around me in comfort, but none of it helps.
I hit myself in the chest, right above my heart, trying to stop this pain.
For the first time in a long time I actually considered ending my life a couple days ago. The thought has subsided, but while lying on the floor today, I asked myself a question, and it's been weighing heavily on me...
"Am I worth saving?"
-Guardian
Monday, January 17, 2011
I'm don't know why
I feel this deep pain in my chest.
It pierces my very soul, my very being.
I'm not sure who I am anymore, who this person in the mirror is.
What happened to the good I used to do?
What happened to the purpose?
What happened to the hope?
What happened to the dreams?
What happened to me...
It pierces my very soul, my very being.
I'm not sure who I am anymore, who this person in the mirror is.
What happened to the good I used to do?
What happened to the purpose?
What happened to the hope?
What happened to the dreams?
What happened to me...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Ivory Dominy
5 more days till it's been 4 months with you, longest relationship I've held together, barely, but still together.I love everything about you, otherwise I wouldn't have held on this long.
I love your blue eyes and the way you look at me with them.
I love your smile and how it always coaxes one out of me.
I love your fingers intertwined with mine and how they warm my heart.
I love the way you give me purpose and how I manage to trek through my day by the simple thought of seeing you at the end of it.
I love holding you and the feeling of belonging it gives me.
But most of all, I just love you, for you.
Here's to you, here's to us.
-Rafael
Monday, January 10, 2011
"I'm sorry you can't trust me"
Yeah, and I'm sorry you broke my trust.
I'm sorry that you've lied to me, hidden things from me, and sugarcoated the truth just to spare my feelings.
I get it, you don't want to hurt me, but you do anyway.
The thing is, you hurt me more by trying to lessen my pain.
You put yourself in situations where guys can try things with you and you lie to me by sugar coating the events that took place.
You say that if the same happened to me, you wouldn't care, but you have to realize that the reason why is because you haven't been put in that situation, why? Because I'm not stupid enough to place myself in a situation where someone of the opposite sex could coax me into cheating. I have the self control, I have the mental power, something I had to build. You show very little sign of self control, or an attempt at it.
These all just more mindless thoughts, I'm exhausted....
I need a warm body to hold and hold me back.
Peace never seems to exist.
-Bruised Guardian
I'm sorry that you've lied to me, hidden things from me, and sugarcoated the truth just to spare my feelings.
I get it, you don't want to hurt me, but you do anyway.
The thing is, you hurt me more by trying to lessen my pain.
You put yourself in situations where guys can try things with you and you lie to me by sugar coating the events that took place.
You say that if the same happened to me, you wouldn't care, but you have to realize that the reason why is because you haven't been put in that situation, why? Because I'm not stupid enough to place myself in a situation where someone of the opposite sex could coax me into cheating. I have the self control, I have the mental power, something I had to build. You show very little sign of self control, or an attempt at it.
These all just more mindless thoughts, I'm exhausted....
I need a warm body to hold and hold me back.
Peace never seems to exist.
-Bruised Guardian
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
But mainly shame
Not sure what's going on with me now,
My mind and body are in a flurry.
I'm fluctuating between hope and pain.
Hope that things will work out,
Pain that things probably won't.
It feels like it will all end within the next few days, or within the next week.
I keep praying, screaming in my head, asking God to please make this work.
To please heal her
So that in turn I can be healed too.
My life feels too insignificant, especially if I can't help her..
This is going to destroy me and I'll have to rebuild like I always do.
But this time I'm not so sure if all the pieces will fit the same way again...
I don't know who I'll become when this is over.
I just hope it won't be over, that things will work, that I won't feel the pain and loneliness anymore..
Pray, Wish, Cry
-Falling Guardian
My mind and body are in a flurry.
I'm fluctuating between hope and pain.
Hope that things will work out,
Pain that things probably won't.
It feels like it will all end within the next few days, or within the next week.
I keep praying, screaming in my head, asking God to please make this work.
To please heal her
So that in turn I can be healed too.
My life feels too insignificant, especially if I can't help her..
This is going to destroy me and I'll have to rebuild like I always do.
But this time I'm not so sure if all the pieces will fit the same way again...
I don't know who I'll become when this is over.
I just hope it won't be over, that things will work, that I won't feel the pain and loneliness anymore..
Pray, Wish, Cry
-Falling Guardian
Some Agony
It's sad how this song is what I'll listen to when we break up.
-------------------------------------------------------
When I get home you're so dead by Mayday Parade
The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
And we could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it anymore
[Chorus:]
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
On any other day I'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like that
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore
[Chorus]
And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over
Pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
but never start over
[Chorus]
Say hello
Say hello
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and...
-------------------------------------------------------
When I get home you're so dead by Mayday Parade
The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
And we could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it anymore
[Chorus:]
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
On any other day I'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like that
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore
[Chorus]
And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over
Pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
but never start over
[Chorus]
Say hello
Say hello
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I really need to start meditating again.
As well as writing and finishing new poems/songs.
There is a lot I'd like to rekindle from my past, but it's difficult to restart the flames I once had burning in me.
Starting completely new ones is even harder.
I despise this permanent feeling that resides in me, the feeling that I can never mean the world to someone. That I lack a meaning. A part of me knows that this isn't true but there is still another part that believes it.
I'm having another anxiety attack right now, dammit I hate when she makes me feel like shit. I hate when I feel worthless to her. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
I feel like all I do is screw up, I feel like I can't do things right.
My tears soak my face.
I feel so alone........
-Falling Guardian
As well as writing and finishing new poems/songs.
There is a lot I'd like to rekindle from my past, but it's difficult to restart the flames I once had burning in me.
Starting completely new ones is even harder.
I despise this permanent feeling that resides in me, the feeling that I can never mean the world to someone. That I lack a meaning. A part of me knows that this isn't true but there is still another part that believes it.
I'm having another anxiety attack right now, dammit I hate when she makes me feel like shit. I hate when I feel worthless to her. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
I feel like all I do is screw up, I feel like I can't do things right.
My tears soak my face.
I feel so alone........
-Falling Guardian
Monday, January 3, 2011
Atropaia
I'm not sure who you are exactly, but I feel as though I do at the same time.
I thank you, for the kind words you left me.
And I hope I might be able to get some insight on you, since, well, this blog has so much on me and yet I know so little about you.
Thank you, once again.
It's nice knowing someone else out there cares.
Till next time.
-Rafael
I thank you, for the kind words you left me.
And I hope I might be able to get some insight on you, since, well, this blog has so much on me and yet I know so little about you.
Thank you, once again.
It's nice knowing someone else out there cares.
Till next time.
-Rafael
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Panic
These anxiety attacks I keep getting are ridiculous.
My heart never seems to stop racing, my stomach never seems to stay settled, my tears never seem to stay in me, my whimpers never seem to quiet.
The smallest thing sets me off,
And when I contain it, I feel worse.
I need rest, but can't seem to get it...
Nothing is soothing anymore it seems.
I hope seeing Ivory tomorrow might help,
In some way, shape, or form..
I need some internal peace
On another note however...
I should be getting my driving permit issued tomorrow after school, which is a big deal. By the time I graduate I should have my license, which opens new doors for me. I'll be able to go out to different places. I'll be able to do more...
We've all got love scarred hearts
My heart never seems to stop racing, my stomach never seems to stay settled, my tears never seem to stay in me, my whimpers never seem to quiet.
The smallest thing sets me off,
And when I contain it, I feel worse.
I need rest, but can't seem to get it...
Nothing is soothing anymore it seems.
I hope seeing Ivory tomorrow might help,
In some way, shape, or form..
I need some internal peace
On another note however...
I should be getting my driving permit issued tomorrow after school, which is a big deal. By the time I graduate I should have my license, which opens new doors for me. I'll be able to go out to different places. I'll be able to do more...
We've all got love scarred hearts
The Last Fight
I don’t wanna stand beside you
I'm don't wanna try and feel the pain you're going through
Till the death you’ve seen this through.
Cold sweats, hallucinations
I wanna scream to show
The hell I'm going through,
The addiction's taking you.
Can you see me through bloodshot eyes (bloodshot eyes)
Should I fight for what is right or let it die?
Now I'm choking on force fed lies
Do I fight or let it die?
Chorus
I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight, one more fight
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time
BFMV Lyrics
Are you listening to me?
I will fight, the last fight
I am not your enemy.
Everyone is sick of caring
No silver lining on the cloud that covers you
Let it pour and soak you through.
No hope, just desperation,
So sit and wait for death
And pray it takes you soon.
The addiction's taking you.
Can you see me through bloodshot eyes (bloodshot eyes)
Should I fight for what is right or let it die?
Now I'm choking on force fed lies
Do I fight or let it die?
Chorus
I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight, one more fight
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time
Are you listening to me?
I will fight, the last fight
I am not your enemy.
Can you feel me through bloodshot eyes
(through bloodshot eyes)
Should I fight another night or let it die?
Now I'm choking on every lie.
Do I fight or let it die?
Chorus
I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight, one more fight
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time
Are you listening to me?
I will fight, the last fight
I am not your enemy.
I am not your, not your enemy!
I am not your enemy.
Do I fight or let it die?
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